Thoughts and personal accounts from your former mayor
As the former mayor of Toronto, I was known for my controversial actions and tumultuous tenure in office. But behind closed doors, I struggled with two addictions – drizzling honey on my testicles and smoking crack cocaine. At first, I tried to keep these addictions hidden from the public. But as time went on, they… Continue reading My sexual secrets
FOlks, I’ve been walking for quite some time on the evans 15 bus route that originates form kipling station. I’ve been walking by so many dark warehouses , dark office spaces, dark strip malls and dark Swiss Chalet’s. I sense some negative energy brewing within this route. I have a bad feeling about what is… Continue reading Evans 15 bus
Listen folks. I have built a great and wonderful thing here. I have overcome liberal patchouli smothered fat-cats at city hall. I was elected, democratically, to run this city and clean it up. Boy let me tell you, it was a dirty job. I repealed the vehicle registration tax and agreed to only incrementally increase… Continue reading You haven’t seen the last of me!
Hey Folks, My campaign to become mayor of Toronto has become more and more heated and dramatic as the days have progressed this week. I’ve been turning down interviews with the Toronto Star, Toronto Sun and many other major publications regarding the Illuminati based conspiracy and other conspiracies related to derailing my attempts to gain… Continue reading Chocolate chips and marshmellow / cool whip
Greetings Folks, I’m still having problems with this website. My advisers have been sensing a strong sense of power and energy coming from the sewers near my Etobicoke home. They say that I must continue on posting to my blog here, even though none of my words may be seen for some time (possibly only… Continue reading Various powers that be / illuminati underground power struggle
Hey Folks, Looks like the powers that be have set the wheels in motion to try and shut down not only my personal blog here, but my entire mayoral campaign! Stay tuned folks! As soon as I’m done eating my sausages for dinner I’ll make another update to provide more details. Thanks.
Hey folks, Just a quick update. My week started off fairly normally. My slew of 1 or 2 meetings with my administrative staff, checking my voice mail and leaving for home at around 2:30pm this afternoon is usually about an average day’s activities. It sure feel’s like a great start to a productive week. Every… Continue reading Busy this week
Hey guys, I’m in the mood for wings and beer tonight. The wife hasn’t come back from her cottage trip (even though she was supposed to be back 2 days ago), and it gets quite lonely in my Etobicoke house so I’ve decided to go out for wings and beer! The place I plan on… Continue reading Going for wings + beer tonight
Hello friends, I have decided to take the rest of the week off since my stay at Etobicoke General Hospital as a result of my intestinal blockage. Staying at home allows me to work tirelessly on my mayoral election campaign without distraction or any outside communication. Most of my election plans and strategies are composed… Continue reading Pastor Wendell Brereton / buttermilk pancakes with cinnamon and bananas
Hey folks, I’m home from the hospital now. What a crazy past couple of days it’s been for me. I’ve been feeling slightly depressed now that I’ve finally come home from so much time in the dirty hospital — it’s very difficult to sleep while other junkies and hobo’s are moaning silently in their beds… Continue reading Games I play to release stress
Hey folks, Just checking in. I ended up staying at Etobicoke General overnight. They insisted that they observe my condition even after administering IV based laxative’s and clearing out the intestinal blockage. They made me promise to never eat an entire block of cheese and melt it in bacon grease to be poured over top… Continue reading Hospital : day 2
Hey pals, Just a quick update. I’m currently in the waiting room at Etobicoke General Hospital, near HWY 27 and Rexdale Blvd. Since I haven’t been able to take a dump in 72 hours, I thought it might be a good idea to get this taken care of by a medical professional. They tell me… Continue reading At the hospital currently
Hey guys, I’ve been sitting in my office for most of the day, not taking calls and canceling most of my meetings today. I’m still recovering from the weekend, unfortunately. I ended up making a few extra runs to the beer store. I also reduced the complexity of several meals over the long weekend. What… Continue reading Smitherman inexperienced in municipal politics / is it normal to have blood in my shit?
Hey Guys, I’m sitting in my west end home right now, preparing for a great long weekend. The weather is supposed to be great. I’m going to stay away from the core of the city (Carabana weekend) , but I already have all that I need at my house. I don’t think I’ll need to… Continue reading My long weekend starts now!
Hello Friends, Just a quick update — I’m still here! Seems I accidentally knocked this website offline for the past few days. I run the website out of my garage and I suspect I tripped over the extension chords powering my computer last weekend (I’d been drinking all day). I didn’t notice until now. I’ll… Continue reading What a week!
Hey Folks, I just got home from the office (I usually leave at 1pm on Fridays) and let me tell you it was certainly an exciting week for me! Has anyone ever glued their fingers together as a result of pure boredom? I was in a car, going between my council office and my Lawrence… Continue reading Thank god its Friday
Hello Friends, This place has gone to shit. Every time I look at the human garbage that makes up this city, I vomit a little in my mouth. I can see the pain and anguish surrounding me in council chambers and with the city in general. Everywhere I look. Its been three years since I… Continue reading Abolish municipal democracy / Bacon fat is the new cooking oil
It all started today. This morning actually. It was a morning like many other — I was sitting in my chair, eating cheetos, listening to Steve Earle. I made a few calls from my office at City Hall and had a few uninspired conversations with my fellow councilors. I went out to lunch at 12:45.… Continue reading A day in my life
I’m currently sitting in a council meeting right now but I had to share these thoughts I’ve been having. I’ve been considering different ways to season my beef and I thought of a good marinade for beef / steak / whatnot : – ground mustard seeds – ground pepper – red wine – pinch of… Continue reading Mustard on beef ?
Hey Toronto, What a wonderful Mid July Monday today is turning out to be. My assistant (Lafayette) just told me of a great idea / plan for when I am elected mayor of our great city. She suggested that I fire 22 city councilors and replace them with 100 police officers on the streets of… Continue reading I reserve the right to choose what I’m having for lunch