A day in my life

It all started today. This morning actually.

It was a morning like many other — I was sitting in my chair, eating cheetos, listening to Steve Earle. I made a few calls from my office at City Hall and had a few uninspired conversations with my fellow councilors.

I went out to lunch at 12:45. I walked to the burger king near city hall, got 2 double whoppers from burger king and just plopped myself down on the curb, crossed my legs and just dove right in to the greasy soggy mess that was my lunch.

I felt a huge shit coming on, so I walked back to my office (took the elevator 1 floor up). After taking a shit I came back to my computer. To my surprise, several of my internet sensors were blaring — screaming for my attention. I have a 14 LCD monitors at my desk that displays several key areas of the internet and its current status in relation to my life — 13 out of 14 of those monitors were flashing red. Something happened!

There have been so many negative articles written about me on the internet. It is somewhat upsetting to have to defend myself against such baseless accusations. I thought we lived in a civil society — I guess I was wrong.

Tonight I think I’ll end up making risotto with peppers and goats cheese, also with chedder cheese and swiss cheese and blue cheese. I love cheese so fusfcking much. I’ve decided to try the lamb shank marinade another day

Your friend,




  1. Mr. Ford, I have heard rumours from a number of sources that you are in fact a Juggalo. Can you confirm this rumour, and if so, do you have any plans for Toronto to host the Gathering of the Juggalos should you become mayor?

  2. Mr. Ford, I was wondering what your position on running the CNE year-long? It seems ridiculous to spend so much tax money to only have it open for two weeks.

    1. I support running it in some ‘winterized’ version all year round. Many of the rides are probably inappropriate to run in the dead of winter, but I think it would be a great year-round attraction either way.

  3. Steve Earle?! What the heck?! That guy’s music is full of swears and disrespecting authorities! I thought you knew how to handle punks, what with your astute and learned commentary on G20-related police conduct, but now it seems that YOU JUST WANT TO GIVE THE PUNKS MONEY FOR THEIR VULGAR CDs.

    1. Steve Earle’s music promotes freedom, democracy and independence — something you obviously haven’t picked up from his music.

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